Viggo’s heels pushed deep into the mattress pulling the ripples they had created in
the white base sheet into sharp creases. His thigh muscles strained and trembled as
he struggled keep some semblance of control. Sean had braced himself at arm’s length;
his palms flat on the pillow either side of his lover so he could look down on 
Viggo’s face as he approached his orgasm. He wanted to speak, to tell Viggo how 
beautiful he looked flushed and sweating in the shadow of his raised body, but Sean
was too close. 

Viggo’s threw his head back into the pillow; his eyes squeezed shut as a cry escaped
his open mouth. It may have contained Sean’s name, but the sound was too raw for him
to be sure. Sean’s head dropped between his already aching shoulders when he both 
saw and felt the stripes of Viggo’s come hit his belly.

“Oh God Vig…” was all he was able to groan before he thrust hard into his own orgasm.
Finally his elbows gave way and he inelegantly slumped heavily onto Viggo’s 
breathless body.

Sean managed to get his arms back under him and eased himself back a little with a 
sheepish, “Sorry Vig, I kind of lost it there.”

“Yeah,” Viggo answered in a sex roughened voice, “I noticed.”

Sean chuckled and started to pull out. 

“Careful!” Viggo exclaimed sharply, obviously distressed and quickly reached down to
make sure Sean had a firm hold on the rim of the condom.

“It’s alright Vig. I’ve got it,” he said quietly trying to reassure Viggo the condom
was still on and intact. He carefully pulled it off and tied the end before getting
out of the bed to throw it in the waste bin. He grabbed a face cloth and hand towel
from the bathroom and lay back on the bed.

Viggo was still on his back, but his hand covered his face. When Sean gently rubbed
the damp cloth over Viggo’s belly a quiet voice came from behind the hand, “I’m 
sorry Sean.”

The cloth barely hesitated in its task as Sean shut his eyes for a moment and 
banished the tightness in his chest. He quickly wiped himself clean and dried them 
both with the towel then tossed it on the floor and lay beside Viggo. Sean lifted 
the hand and gently kissed the lips below, “You have nothing to be sorry for Viggo. 
Do you hear me? Nothing.”

~*~

“He’s quiet this morning,” Orlando said while he watched Viggo shelf reading and 
sorting the children’s books.

“He’s always quiet Orlando,” Sean replied wearily without looking up from the 
invoices.

Orlando frowned, “You know what I mean … quieter than usual.”

Sean almost pointed out that Viggo rarely spoke at the best of times, but wasn’t 
really in the mood to discuss it. But unfortunately for Sean it wasn’t in Orlando’s
nature to let things go, he leaned closer and said, “Maybe I should go and talk to 
him and …”

By this stage Sean had had enough and snapped irritably, “Let it go Orlando … 
please.”

Orlando was a little taken aback by Sean’s angry response. He stepped away and said
quietly, “I’m sorry Sean; I can’t help worrying about him.”

Sean instantly felt guilty at his lack of patience and said, “No, I’m sorry. He’ll
be okay … we just need to give him a little space this morning.”

Orlando nodded and wandered through to the stock table to start pricing the new 
arrivals. He had barely started when the phone rang.

Viggo knew his response this morning had been irrational. It certainly wasn’t the 
first time they’d made love, but now the risk to Sean seemed more real and he’d 
panicked. He knew Barbara was right, he had to be tested but suddenly it was a 
possibility he had to face up to.

The book between his fingers slipped and almost fell to the ground. His hands had 
begun to tremble again and his limbs were numb. Viggo closed his eyes and tried to 
breath through it … he felt like he needed to move, to do something, anything to 
stop thinking … but if he moved he was sure he would shatter into a thousand pieces…

Viggo focussed all his energy on the feel of the thin hardback book and concentrated
on its texture. It was cool and smooth under his touch and there was a slight 
wrinkle in the glossy cardboard near the top of the spine. Better … what else? He 
opened his eyes and looked at the cover of the picture book; a wolf looked back. He 
ran his fingertips over the yellow eyes of the watercolour animal, turned the cover 
and began to read … “The wolves in the walls …”

He had almost finished the children’s book when he looked up to see Orlando in front
of him, “Phone call for you Vig.”

It took Viggo a moment to realise what it was Orlando had said. It must have shown 
on his face because Orlando put his hand over Viggo’s and gently closed the book. 
“Come on Vig, come and take the call. 

He put the book back on the display shelf and led Viggo to the front of the shop 
where he picked up the receiver and handed it to him. Orlando gave Viggo a
reassuring smile before giving him some privacy.

“Hello Viggo, its Barbara,” the voice on the other end of the line said, “I’ve 
managed to get you booked in today if that’s okay.”

Viggo glanced across to the door to see Sean hovering, desperately trying to look 
like he was busy sorting through the same invoices he completed half an hour earlier.

“Viggo?” Barbara queried softly when he didn’t reply.

Viggo rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and sighed, “Yeah, its okay. What 
time?”

“I’ll pick you up in about twenty minutes hon. There’s no charge through the clinic
so you don’t have to worry about that, but the doctor will probably want to do a 
full check-up so let Sean know we might be a while.”

Viggo nodded and then realising Barbara couldn’t see him said in a resigned voice, 
“I’ll be ready.” Viggo held on to the phone for several minutes after she’d hung up 
trying to calm his nerves before he faced Sean.

By the time he replaced the receiver, Orlando had joined Sean at the counter and 
they were making a poor attempt at a conversation. When Viggo walked through and 
stood beside them Orlando stopped mid sentence and said, “That was the lady from the
shelter, yeah? What did she say?”

“ Orlando!” Sean warned and glared at the young man.

“It’s alright,” Viggo said with a smile for Orlando, “It was Barbara; she’s picking 
me up soon.” He tried very hard to make his voice sound calm, but when he felt 
Sean’s hand on his back rubbing gently in silent support he knew he hadn’t succeeded.

“Want me to make you a cuppa before she gets here?” Orlando offered not sure what 
else to say.

Viggo shook his head, “No thanks, I think I might go upstairs and clean myself up a
bit if that’s okay?”

“Of course Vig,” Sean answered well aware that Viggo had already showered that 
morning, “I’ll give you a call when she gets here.”

Upstairs, Viggo sat on the edge of the couch with eyes closed and willed himself to 
stay still and wait.

When Barbara walked into the shop she smiled at the two men who both gave her an 
anxious look. “You have a beautiful shop here; very welcoming,” she said as she 
reached the counter.

“Thank you,” Sean said and turned to Orlando, “Can you go and let Viggo know 
Barbara’s here?”

“Sure,” Orlando replied and, with a quick smile at Barbara, he headed out of the 
shop. Barbara waited until Orlando was through the door before she asked, “How’re 
you holding up Sean?”

Sean gave a mirthless chuckle and shook his head, “Scared shitless if you want the 
honest truth.”

“That’s understandable,” she smiled and rubbed his arm, “but it needs to be done for
both your sakes.”

“Yeah I know,” Sean said, “but sometimes I have to wonder if denial is a hell of a 
lot easier.”

“Has he spoken to you about it?” she asked indicating the flat above the shop with a
tilt of her head.

“No, not really,” Sean said, “He’s bloody terrified, but trying really hard not to 
let me see it.”

“Try to get him to talk if you can love. His kind struggle if the results aren’t 
good.”

“His kind?” Sean repeated and looked at her with narrowed eyes.

“It’s okay Sean,” she smiled gently realising her mistake, “I just meant the quiet 
ones. Viggo seems a very insular person and will try to deal with it all himself … 
that’s not a good thing.” Sean nodded knowing she was right while doubting his 
ability to get Viggo to talk … but he would try. He looked up at the sound of the 
shop bell and smiled at Viggo. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? We
both know Orlando would love a chance to run this place.”

Viggo stood with his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his old jacket and shook 
his head. Sean was about to push it, but Barbara held her hand up behind Viggo
signalling Sean for back off a bit. He understood Viggo needed to do this without 
him, but it was hard to see him leave the shop and stay behind. Sean stood quietly 
until the door closed then turned to Orlando and clapped him on the shoulder, “Come
on, I think we deserve a tea break.”

~*~

Barbara indicated for Viggo to grab a seat while she went to the counter to register
him with the receptionist. He sat on the white plastic seat and watched as she 
talked and laughed with the young woman behind the counter. Viggo tentatively 
glanced around the waiting room; it was too easy to recognise the despair and 
resignation of the others isolating themselves on their own chairs. It was full of 
people just like him … no, not like me, he thought desperately, I don’t want to be 
that anymore. The thought made him feel guilty because despite everything he was one
of the lucky ones.

“Mortensen.” 

Viggo flinched at his name and looked up. The receptionist repeated his name and 
added, “Room two and take this with you.” He took a breath and stood up ignoring the
slight tremble that started deep in his belly. Barbara gave him an encouraging smile
as he took the thin manila folder and made his way into the second room down the 
corridor.

He hesitated just inside the doorway unsure whether to walk in or wait until the 
doctor acknowledged him. Eventually the doctor said, “Take a seat,” and took the 
folder from him. He didn’t really look up from the checklist while he reeled off a 
series of questions about Viggo’s lifestyle as he put it. Viggo answered each devoid
of emotion; somehow he felt disconnected from the words that described his life. The
doctor finished by listing the next few procedures and said, “Do you have somewhere 
you can be contacted? Or will I put down the shelter?”

Viggo frowned and quietly said that his address was already on the paperwork. The 
doctor read the form silently for a minute and then looked at Viggo for the first 
time. “Good, let’s get started then.”

~*~

It’s done, Viggo thought as he sat in the car and stared out the window avoiding the
little swatch of cotton and tape on his arm. It had started to rain while he was in
the clinic … not the bone chilling rain of winter he used to dread, but spring rain.
He’d noticed the trees in the planters outside the shop fronts already had buds 
waiting to bloom. But today his vision of the world outside the car blurred as he 
focussed on the raindrops skidding across the side window. It was always easier to 
dwell on smaller things than acknowledge a ‘big picture’ that threatened to 
overwhelm him. Sometimes it worked; others it didn’t.

“You okay?” Barbara asked gently.

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

Barbara accepted the answer as an honest one and said with similar candour, “You 
usually get the results in a couple of days. Have you got the number for the results
line?”

Viggo’s jaw clenched and he gave a single nod. 

“You know that even if you are positive it doesn’t mean you have Aids hon. With the
medications around now having HIV is not always the death sentence it used to be.”

“Will Sean be alright?” Viggo asked softly.

“So long as you’re careful and always use condoms.”

He nodded again. Viggo had already decided to slip away quietly if there was any 
chance of a risk to Sean.

“Hey, I meant to say earlier; those books you dropped in yesterday were a big hit,”
Barbara smiled hoping to give Viggo something else to think about, “Any chance you 
could do that on a regular basis?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a slight frown, but the seed was sown and Barbara had 
managed to divert some of his thoughts.