Bacon … eggs … bread for toast … coffee for the machine … Sean checked and double checked all the items that lay out on the bench. He nodded to himself and opened the cupboard door so the crockery was in plain view. The tiled floor of the kitchen was cold and he absently rubbed the top of his foot against the flannel covered calf of the other leg … he knew he could get his slippers but cringed at the thought, not quite ready to let Viggo see him in what Marian had called his ‘old man slippers’. Shit, really need to call Marian, Sean cursed silently, but was cut short when he heard the bathroom door open. “Okay, what else?” he murmured and quickly scanned his preparations. Viggo wandered across the living room to lean against the door frame of the kitchen. Sean couldn’t help but smile at the site of a still slightly damp Viggo in his old track pants and t-shirt and seriously messy towel dried hair. Sean turned back to the stove and made a show of fiddling with the frying pan. He said in what he hoped was a convincing voice, “I was gonna make us some breakfast, but I think I might grab a quick shower first.” Viggo grinned at Sean’s very unsubtle comment, “I’ll do it.” He walked over and carefully took the pan from Sean’s hands. Sean gave him a sheepish look knowing he hadn’t fooled anyone, “Everything is here … um milk for the coffee is in the fridge…” Viggo tilted his head and attempted a frown, “Oh okay, I wouldn’t have thought to look there.” He then gave a Sean a small smile that clearly read ‘thank you’ but said, “I’ll get started on breakfast.” Sean resisted the urge to run his fingers through the wayward hair and left Viggo in the kitchen. Viggo stood and looked at the food for a long moment … he couldn’t quite remember when he’d cooked for himself or anyone else for that matter. I need to do this … he thought and was suddenly determined to prove he was still capable of such a simple task. He measured out the coffee according to the instructions on the jar, filled the jug with water and poured it into the machine. After flicking the switch he stood arms folded and waited until the first dark drip hit the bottom of the jug. He smiled to himself … it was more than he’d managed on his last attempt. By the time Sean was out of the shower and towelling himself dry his stomach was churning, was it too much? He knew what I was doing … have I set him up to fail? He shaved with shaky hands and it was only when he turned off the extractor fan that he smelled cooking. The coffee jug gave its last gurgle as he walked into the kitchen. Viggo was standing at the stove carefully turning one of the eggs. Sean noticed how slow and pedantic his movements were. He seemed to radiate concentration. With the egg safely flipped Viggo’s shoulders relaxed a little and he turned to see Sean watching him. “I made us breakfast,” he said with more than a little relief. “So I see,” Sean grinned and moved towards him, “Here… want me to dish?” “No, I can manage,” Viggo replied quietly, but firmly. “Okay,” Sean laughed and raised his hands, “How about I set the table?” “Yeah … please,” Viggo smiled and returned his attention to the bacon that was crisping nicely. Within minutes both men were sitting at the table, cooked breakfast in front of them and freshly brewed coffee in their mugs. Sean reached for his bottle of HP sauce, poured it liberally on his food and stuffed a forkful of egg soaked toast into his mouth. “Mmmm … bloody good Vig,” he mumbled his mouth still full of food. “I know,” Viggo smiled around his own mouthful of bacon. ~*~ “Fuck!” “ Orlando!” Sean growled and looked up to see the young man struggling in the front door carrying a large and somewhat battered cardboard box. He dumped the box noisily on the floor and gave one of the nearby pensioners from the Seniors Book Club an apologetic look. Sean watched as she smiled indulgently at Orlando … hegets away with blue bloody murder. Orlando strolled up to the counter after greeting the other ladies and threw Sean’s car keys to him, “They had a lot of fiction to get rid of. There are a few more boxes in the car.” Sean nodded, threw the keys back at Orlando and held back a smile as he said, “Excellent, bring it in.” Orlando groaned, but knew better than to argue. Although when Viggo offered to help, Orlando jingled the keys at Sean with a playful smirk and led Viggo out of the shop. Viggo was a hard worker and matched Orlando’s energy in short bursts, yet Sean noticed how quickly physical exertion tired him out. But Sean trusted Orlando with him and knew he kept an eye on Viggo never letting him take on more than he thought Viggo could handle. There were four large boxes in total; Sean usually bought second hand books as job lots from people moving or deceased estates. He smiled at the sight of Viggo sitting cross legged on the floor surrounded by piles of books digging into a new box not caring that it was dusty and covered in cobwebs. Orlando emerged from behind Sean carrying two mugs – he handed one to Viggo and was about to take a sip from the other when Sean took it out of his hand and gave him a cheeky grin, “Thanks Orlando, but you should have made one for yourself too.” “I live to serve you Boss,” he smiled and gave a low bow just managing to stay out of reach when Sean took a swipe at him. Viggo sat back and watched the interaction, a happy smile on his face. Orlando bent to pick up a pile of books deemed suitable for resale and stacked them on the book trolley. He was pleased there were some good ones … novels that would complete trilogies or series. It wasn’t the resale value that pleased him; it was the understanding that some people couldn’t afford the rising price of a paperback and were always overjoyed to find the conclusion to a much loved story or follow the lives of characters who had become like friends or family. “Put the others back in the boxes and I’ll drop them in the dumpster after work,” Sean took another mouthful and raised the mug at Orlando before walking back to the counter. Viggo frowned at the stack of discarded novels. He grabbed an armful of torn and tatty books and followed Sean to the front of the shop. “I’ll take those out later Vig,” Sean said as he saw Viggo approach. But Viggo put the books on the counter and looked from them to Sean before saying quietly, “Can I have them?” Sean laughed, but stopped when he saw the serious expression remain on Viggo’s face, “Of course you can. But they’re old and dirty and you know you can help yourself to anything on the shelf.” Viggo glanced back at the books a little embarrassed, “They’re not for me.” Sean almost asked what Viggo had in mind, but simply reiterated in a gentle voice, “Of course you can have them.” Viggo kept his eyes on the ripped cover of an old classic without making a move. Sean knew he wanted to say something so he waited. Eventually, when Viggo had found the right words he looked up and said, “We need more than food Sean. A dry place to sleep is important, but we also need to be treated as thinking human beings. Maggie did that for me. Letting me in the shop to read kept me …” He shrugged, not sure how to end the sentence. Sean nodded and encouraged him to continue. Viggo stood a little straighter and said, “I was hoping I could take the books down to the shelter.” “Great idea Vig,” Sean beamed. He couldn’t stop smiling as he scooped the books from the counter and headed to the back of the shop to help Viggo fill the box. ~*~ Sean resisted the urge to take the heavy box from Viggo and pushed open the shelter doors. Viggo had been through this foyer many times under very different circumstances. Today he felt mixed emotions as he followed Sean to the front desk, hanging back when Barbara appeared. “Sean, how are you?” she welcomed as she walked around the counter to give him a hug and then, without waiting for his reply, looked past him to Viggo. Her voice changed to a calmer, gentler tone, “Hello Viggo.” She made no attempt to touch him, but held steady eye contact until he gave her a little smile and hesitant, “Hi.” Better, much better, she thought and turned back to Sean, “So what brings you here today?” “Well, Viggo actually,” Sean grinned, “I was going to throw out this box of old paperbacks and Vig suggested we bring them here.” “Maybe some of the others would appreciate a book to read,” Viggo said softly keeping his eyes on the box in his arms. Sean nodded and raised his eyebrows at Barbara. “That’s a wonderful thought Viggo,” she acknowledged, “I’m sure you’re right.” She called to one of the volunteers to show Viggo where to set up the books and suggested that Sean join her in the kitchen to make them all coffee. Sean checked over his shoulder reassuring himself that Viggo was okay before following her through the door. Barbara signalled for Sean to sit while she lifted three mismatched mugs off the draining rack and flicked the switch on the well used electric kettle. “It’s only instant I’m afraid,” she apologised as she spooned the granules into the mugs. “That’s fine,” Sean replied waiting for the real conversation to begin. He didn’t have long to wait. After putting the little sugar bowl in the middle of the table she sat and looked at him, “I’m impressed with the change in him Sean. I was sure that he was gone for good when you were here last.” Sean leant forward on the table, where to start? “I know I nearly lost him then Barbara. He was so ashamed, so …” Unsure how to continue, Sean raised his hands in a helpless shrug and shook his head. “But he’s here Sean,” she reassured, “and suggesting coming to the shelter today is a big step for him.” Sean hadn’t really considered that and slowly nodded while she continued, “You know, he’s been coming here on and off for quite a while, but today is the first time I’ve heard him speak. I was beginning to think he couldn’t” “Yeah, he doesn’t say much,” Sean agreed. Barbara laughed and got up to pour the boiling water. “He’s looking good too Sean, but I have to ask … has he seen a doctor yet?” Fuck! Sean felt his stomach plummet and he glanced over to the doorway. “I can talk to him about it if you want Sean,” she said quietly recognising the look that had settled on Sean’s features, “I do this as part of my job and he might find it easier to hearing it come from me.” It felt wrong to Sean, he should be the one talking to Viggo, but he also knew Barbara was right … she had all the contacts and knew the procedures. With jaw clenched Sean nodded. “Go and ask him to come in Sean,” Barbara smiled gently, “and stay out for a little bit, okay?” Sean stirred an extra sugar into his coffee and left to get Viggo. Barbara was right when she said this was part of her job, but it didn’t make it any easier. She pried open the lid of the biscuit tin and chewed nervously on the edge of an oatmeal cookie while she waited. The opening of the conversation had run through her head at least three times by the time Viggo stepped through the door. “Come in Viggo, grab a seat,” Barbara smiled and tilted the tin towards him. Viggo took a cookie and put it next to his mug. He waited quietly. “You’re looking a lot better these days,” she said trying to settle him with small talk, “I hardly recognised you without your sketchbook.” Viggo merely sat and looked at a point somewhere near the sugar bowl making it clear that no amount of idle chit-chat would make him feel comfortable. “I’ll get straight to the point Viggo,” she took a breath and sighed, “Part of what I do here is counsel people on health issues and a big part of that is sexual health.” Barbara watched him closely before continuing, “Have you been tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases?” Viggo picked at the edge of the cookie for a moment before he looked away and shook his head. It was very obvious to Barbara that there could be a problem here so she took the risk and carefully put her hand on Viggo’s arm. She felt him tense, but didn’t remove it. “What is it Viggo? Can you tell me what’s wrong?” He glanced at her briefly, but didn’t say anything. “Do you need to be tested hon or do you already know?” Barbara asked, her apprehension starting to build. Viggo nodded, then frowned and gave an agitated shrug. “I don’t understand Viggo, what do you mean?” He concentrated on the rough texture of the cookie while he tried to formulate a reasonable answer, “I don’t know how I can’t be positive.” Barbara’s stomach twisted, she hated this part of the job, “But you don’t know for sure?” He shook his head and finally looked up at her, “I tried to be safe … but sometimes …” “Its okay hon, I understand that sometimes you had no choice,” she said calmly, “I also understand how scary it is, but you need to know for sure. For your sake and Sean’s.” Viggo sat still and thought this through for what seemed like several minutes before he nodded and asked, “Can you organise it for me?” “Of course I can,” she smiled at him, “Now stop dissecting that cookie and eat it … and one more thing.” Barbara’s smile became a little sad, “One day can I see what you draw?” “Yeah,” Viggo replied in a soft, but calm voice. She got up and walked over to the door to give Viggo some breathing space. He sat at the table and quietly took in the reality that the tests would be set up and within the next few days he would know for sure. Up until now the only thing that mattered was staying alive to watch Henry grow to be independent, but now … now there was Sean. Soft footsteps behind him alerted Viggo to Sean’s presence so he wasn’t surprised when a hand gently squeezed his shoulder. He put his own hand over Sean’s and said, “It’s okay Sean, Barbara’s gonna book me in.” Sean’s grip tightened when his voice eluded him. Other than the bustle of the reception area next door the kitchen was silent until Viggo stood up. Still holding Sean’s hand he turned to face him and said, “Its okay Sean. No matter what the results are, it’s okay.” He put his arms around Sean and pulled him close. Viggo’s embrace felt solid and Sean leaned into it accepting the comfort offered well aware that he should be the one offering. “I can go with you,” Sean whispered, but Viggo shook his head, “No … I need to do this on my own Sean.” With that he pulled back and gave Sean a reassuring smile that did not match the cold fear that had settled in his belly. ~*~ Business is always too good here, Barbara sighed as she looked over the men who were already gathering for the evening meal. An old man with a walking cane and threadbare hand-knitted cardigan stopped at the pile of books and started to browse through the titles. He glanced up at Barbara who smiled and told him to take whatever he wanted and just return them when he was finished. A surprised and delighted smile lit his face for a moment and he quickly put two of the tattered paperbacks into his plastic bag.