Orlando could feel Sean growing impatient when Viggo didn’t move so he called,
“Come on Vig, please get in.”

Orlando held his breath until he saw Viggo start to walk towards the car, then 
he twisted around in his seat to open the back door. Viggo lowered himself into
the car and didn’t say a word; he just sat and waited for Sean to explain the 
‘invitation’.

Sean hadn’t really thought this far ahead, but managed to come up with, “Look 
it’s fucking freezing and um … you may as well crash on the couch tonight, after
all you did help move it.” Orlando knew it sounded pretty lame, but he gave Sean
an appreciative smile when Viggo closed the door and muttered, “Thanks.”

Orlando chattered happily the rest of the way to his apartment covering up the 
silences in the rest of the car. When Sean pulled up out front, Orlando mouthed
thank you to Sean before making a dash through the rain to his front door. 

Sean could feel Viggo sitting quietly behind him and wondered what the hell he
was doing taking this man home. After a moment or two, he turned around and 
said, “Want to sit in the front? That way I’ll feel less like your chauffer.”

Viggo looked at him before giving a small single nod and stepped out of the car
and swapped seats. He wasn’t totally sure what was going on here, but Sean 
seemed okay and Orlando liked him. Once the car was in motion Sean commented on
how quiet it was now Orlando was gone and went on to tell Viggo about Orlando’s
ability to talk non-stop without taking a breath. Viggo visibly relaxed and 
smiled at Sean’s observations. 

They were nearly back at Sean’s when he stopped outside a pharmacy and said, 
“Need some supplies if you are staying over. Not be a minute.”

Viggo felt his stomach twist as he watched Sean jog into the store and thought,
“There’s always a cost … even for a night on a couch.” He squeezed his eyes shut
and contemplated just getting out of the car, but was too tired and just didn’t
have the energy to move. Viggo didn’t look at Sean when he got back into the 
car, but eyed the small paper bag warily before it was tossed onto the back 
seat. Viggo spent the rest of the trip in sullen silence despite Sean’s attempts
to make conversation.

When they got to the flat Viggo walked quietly behind Sean and stood still as 
the door was closed behind him. He felt the familiar sick roll in his stomach 
waiting for the inevitable rough touch.

Sean was confused by the change in Viggo. He had not moved since Sean closed the
door and his entire body language radiated fear. Sean suddenly felt out of his
depth with this man, he hadn’t meant to make him feel so uncomfortable so he 
passed the bag to him and said in a hesitant voice, “I didn’t know what you had
so I just got some basics. Look, I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, but … oh fuck,
I don’t know …” Sean’s sentenced trailed off as he closed his eyes and wearily
rubbed his hand across his forehead.

Slightly stunned by Sean’s words Viggo looked down at the paper bag in his 
hands. He cautiously unfolded the neat crease and was shocked to find a 
toothbrush, a bar of soap and a razor. He closed his eyes briefly feeling a mix
of relief and shame, relief that he was wrong and shame for not trusting Sean’s
intentions.

“Thank you Sean, I appreciate it.” Viggo murmured still looking at the contents
of the bag, “Can I use your bathroom?”

Sean gave him a small smile even though Viggo hadn’t raised his eyes above the
bag and fished a couple of fresh towels out of a nearby cardboard box 
efficiently labelled ‘linen cupboard’.

Viggo took the offered towels and ran his fingers lightly along the soft loops 
of the fabric. Eventually he looked up at Sean and quietly asked, “Would it be 
okay if I have a bath?”

“Of course it’s okay.” Sean’s smile broadened and he motioned towards the 
bathroom.

Sean let out a relieved breath when he heard the bath taps running and began to
retrieve bedclothes from the relevant box in his room to make up a bed for Viggo
on the couch.

Once the bath began to fill Viggo carefully took the items out of the bag and 
placed them on the bench next to the sink. He then removed the layers of dirty 
clothing pausing only to check that the door was still locked. Viggo stood naked
in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. He felt both disgust and 
despair at what he saw; how could he think that Sean would want anything from 
him? He had avoided looking at himself for so long he hardly recognised the 
person looking back at him. Viggo raised a hand to his face as if to convince 
him of its reality. He closed his eyes against the image fighting the urge to 
haul his clothes back on and walk out of the apartment.

It took Viggo several minutes before he had calmed himself enough to open his 
eyes. This time he resolutely met his own gaze before rummaging around in the 
hastily filled bathroom drawers until he found a pair of nail scissors and began
to cut some of the matted knots out of his hair. By the time the bath was full,
he had finished on his hair and rubbed his hand over his beard. 

After making up the bed Sean carefully sat on it to test its comfort despite 
having been sprawled on the couch most of the evening. Viggo being in his house
made him nervous, he wasn’t afraid he’d wake up with his things stolen or 
anything, it was more a small, but insistent, flutter low in his stomach. He 
stood up and ran his hand over the blanket straightening out the creases he had
just made. Satisfied with the result he looked through his neatly folded clothes
until he found track pants and a long sleeved t-shirt that might fit Viggo.


When he heard the water swirling down the drain he waited a few minutes, knocked
on the door and called through the wood, “I have some clothes for you to sleep 
in, I’ll just leave them by the door.” Sean turned away and wandered into the 
kitchen, not that he had anything to do in there, but to give Viggo some space 
to retrieve the clothes. For want of something to do he started to organise the
cutlery in the kitchen drawers until he heard the bathroom door open and close 
for a second time. Knowing that Viggo was there Sean felt strangely apprehensive
about returning to the living room. He braced himself and pushed the kitchen 
door open. Viggo was standing next to the bathroom door waiting for Sean to 
return. 

Sean was about to ask Viggo if he wanted a drink, but the words seemed to dry up
in his mouth when he saw Viggo. Sean’s old clothes were a little too big on him,
his hair was still damp and he was clean-shaven. He was beautiful.

Sean kept his eyes on Viggo, but waved his arm towards the makeshift bed, “Um, I
hope the couch is okay … you should be warm enough, but if you need another 
blanket I have put them in the cupboard in my room … do you want me to get one,
I can leave it here for you?” 

Viggo walked to the couch and sat down, “This is good,” he answered quietly 
looking directly at Sean, “thank you.”

Sean felt flustered, “Good, good … look I have a pair of jeans and a flannelette
shirt I used to use for gardening, don’t get much chance to use them any more. 
Give me your things and I will get them cleaned.”

“It’s okay Sean, you don’t have to do that.” Viggo frowned slightly at Sean’s 
reaction to him.

Sean finally smiled, “Don’t be daft” and went into the bathroom. Viggo’s clothes
were folded on the bathroom floor. He picked up a pair of old jeans and two 
tattered t-shirts. He left the jacket hanging on the back of the door, not much
he could do with that because he had nothing suitable to replace it. Sean 
frowned when he realised that there were no socks or underwear. He put the 
clothes in a plastic bag and then in his laundry hamper. As he walked through to
the bedroom to find his ‘gardening’ clothes he could see that Viggo hadn’t 
moved, but was watching his hand as it slid thoughtfully over the white 
pillowcase.

He put them on the coffee table in front of Viggo, “Here these will do for 
tomorrow.”

Sean could see the muscle in Viggo’s jaw clench slightly and then loosen as he
obviously fought for a reply; finally he just looked from the clothes to Sean
and said, “Thank you.”

“I … I couldn’t find your underwear?” Sean asked and then mentally kicked 
himself at the look of shame that crossed Viggo’s face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Sean quietly apologised and started to walk 
away.  

“I had underwear,” Viggo murmured causing Sean to turn back and slowly sit on 
the coffee table in front of Viggo, “It is hard to clean stuff by hand … the
water is so cold in winter so I had to throw them out.”

Sean looked down at his hands unsure of what to say, it must have taken Viggo a
lot of courage to admit that to him. When he looked up; he had to know, “What 
happened Viggo? Why do you live like this?”

Viggo sat still for a while, also watching Sean’s hands. His look turned to his
own … he had washed them, scrubbed them in the bath, but he couldn’t get rid of
the ingrained dirt … they were still not as clean as Sean’s. He swallowed hard
and looked up and away from Sean trying to keep a tight rein on his emotions, “I
was clean at the start, but over days, weeks, months, I got dirty. I wanted a 
shower or a bath, but the lines were always too long at the public showers, or 
by the time I’d get in, the water would be ice cold. You can’t take an ice cold
shower in the middle of winter.”

The words had come out in a rush and then just trailed off. Sean’s chest ached 
as he listened to those words.   They didn’t answer his question, but that 
didn’t matter … he knew Viggo would talk to him when he was ready. He wanted to
put his arm around Viggo and tell him it would be all right, but understood that
the touch wouldn’t be welcome and he also knew it was a lie. Instead, he took a
breath and said, “You are always welcome to come here … I mean, if you need a 
bath or to wash your clothes …”

Viggo bit his bottom lip and blinked several times before he could answer and 
even then he could only manage a small nod. 
A hot prickle started behind Sean’s eyes so he stood up and said, “Well, we 
better get some sleep because I know we are going to face a barrage of questions
from Orlando in the morning. Good night Viggo.”

Viggo smiled slightly at the mention of Orlando, “Good night Sean.”

Viggo waited until Sean had closed his bedroom door before he settled down under
the covers of the makeshift bed. Sean’s clothes were clean and soft against his
skin. Even though they had obviously been laundered they smelt vaguely of Sean,
or at least his cologne. Viggo turned onto his side and pulled the blanket up 
over his shoulders. He was clean, warm and felt safer than he had for a long 
time. 

Although sleep came swiftly for Viggo, Sean found it difficult to settle. He lay
in his bed and thought through the events of the past couple of days… so 
different to what he had expected. The shop was okay; actually he had to admit 
he was almost enjoying being a shopkeeper. Sex with Orlando had been great and 
something of an unexpected bonus, but more importantly he was turning out to be
a good friend. So why was he still lying awake with his mind racing? Viggo…

Eventually, Sean sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. He rested his forearms
on his thighs and looked at the window. With a sigh, he stood up, moved over to
the curtains and parted them slightly. The street below looked wet and cold. 
Sean leaned against the window frame letting his mind wander to what it would be
like living on the other side of the glass without the knowledge of a warm bed
at the end of each day. He was relieved that Viggo had come home with him 
tonight, but knew he would be back out there tomorrow. He turned away from the
window and reached for his cigarettes. Shit! The packet was empty. He walked 
over to the closed door debating whether or not to go through to the living room
to get the packet in his jacket pocket. His hand hovered over the doorknob 
before gripping it and opening the door.

He tried to keep his steps quiet when he passed the couch and reached for the 
jacket on the back of the chair.   He could hear Viggo’s steady breathing and 
knew he was asleep. Sean turned and looked at Viggo, just able to make out his 
features in the dim light of the room. His arm was curled around the pillow so 
that his hand rested gently against his face. His mouth was slightly open and 
each breath lightly ruffled the stray hairs nearby. Sean blushed as he fought 
the temptation to run his fingers through the hair and push it back off Viggo’s
face. He then remembered the disgust he had felt when he saw Orlando touch 
Viggo’s hair only a week or so earlier. Sean sighed, turned his back to the 
couch and made his way back to bed.

*****